Claustrophobic

I am beginning to feel the walls closing in on me. After 7 and a half months, I am feeling near my breaking point. There is no escape, no place to go. We need to move home, ready or not.

Home, with all its challenges, is a place where I am not alone. Where I can get out of the house when the walls are squeezing the life out of me, even if the kids aren't up to going anywhere. Home is a place I can leave to share a cup of tea and fellowship with a friend, or go see a grown-up movie. Home is a place with wide open spaces. It is a place with furry cats to cuddle as my stress melts away. It is a place full of puppy dog kisses to help mend my broken heart. Home is where we are a family again, intact. Home is a place where I can drown my sorrows in slightly off-key music without worrying about disturbing the neighbors. Home is a place where a cold is just a cold rather than a prison sentence.

Surely, there must be more to life than cleaning and laundry and hours at the clinic. I dig through the hidden places in my mind, trying to find joy. It must be there, hidden amongst the clutter.

Today I am especially missing my family, missing my pets, missing my freedom, missing my music. I am ready for the next stage of this journey. I am ready to move home and begin the process of putting my house in order.

I am feeling tired and spent on this day. I can't seem to stop the tears from flowing. I guess it is just one of those days. Maybe I will go back to bed and start over.

Simon still has the last remnants of his cold. He is sleeping more than usual, but seems to be on the mend. He still has a bit of a runny nose, and he is coughing a bit at night. He doesn't yet have enough energy to go out and do anything.

Ezri has been symptom free for over 24 hours, but isn't allowed outside of the apartment yet. Beau has been symptom free for the last 4 days, but he is at home. I am fine physically, but emotionally spent.

Tomorrow will be another long day at the clinic. Maybe the kids will feel up to a movie or something afterwards. I will find out how long everybody needs to be symptom free before we can enter civilization again. If it is more than another day or two, we may spend the time at home, for the sake of my sanity.