Blizzards and Other Thoughts.

Simon has had a rough day. His appetite is gone. His feet are swollen. His head is hurting, and he has been flirting with a fever, off and on, all day. If he isn't feeling better tomorrow, I will be calling the clinic. Everything looked great when we were there yesterday, but things can change so fast.

There has always been a concern about Simon's kidney function. He went into transplant with his kidneys only functioning at 80%, and several of the medications he is on can be toxic to the kidneys. He is also on medicine for high blood pressure. Both the high blood pressure and the medication can cause swelling.

We had planned to head home for the week-end, but predictions of snow put that on hold. The snow started falling about an hour ago here in Denver, but they are having blizzard conditions at home. The news reported that this could be one of the top ten snow falls in Denver in the last century. I am glad I decided not to travel.

If Simon were to need to be admitted to the hospital, I am not sure what I would do. Ezri and Beau are up here with us, and they are not allowed in the hospital inpatient areas, due to flu season restrictions. In the past, their dad has come up and taken them home. If this storm dumps as much snow as they are predicting, it could be days or even weeks before he could get up here. (Last February, we were unable to get the car out of the driveway for 11 days after one snow storm.) The pictures are of the kids hiking up to the house after the snow fall last February.

I'll be listening to this song as I fall asleep tonight.

I CAST ALL MY CARES UPON YOU
I LAY ALL OF MY BURDENS,
DOWN AT YOUR FEET
ANYTIME, I DON'T KNOW
JUST WHAT TO DO,
I JUST CAST ALL MY CARES
UPON YOU

Claustrophobic

I am beginning to feel the walls closing in on me. After 7 and a half months, I am feeling near my breaking point. There is no escape, no place to go. We need to move home, ready or not.

Home, with all its challenges, is a place where I am not alone. Where I can get out of the house when the walls are squeezing the life out of me, even if the kids aren't up to going anywhere. Home is a place I can leave to share a cup of tea and fellowship with a friend, or go see a grown-up movie. Home is a place with wide open spaces. It is a place with furry cats to cuddle as my stress melts away. It is a place full of puppy dog kisses to help mend my broken heart. Home is where we are a family again, intact. Home is a place where I can drown my sorrows in slightly off-key music without worrying about disturbing the neighbors. Home is a place where a cold is just a cold rather than a prison sentence.

Surely, there must be more to life than cleaning and laundry and hours at the clinic. I dig through the hidden places in my mind, trying to find joy. It must be there, hidden amongst the clutter.

Today I am especially missing my family, missing my pets, missing my freedom, missing my music. I am ready for the next stage of this journey. I am ready to move home and begin the process of putting my house in order.

I am feeling tired and spent on this day. I can't seem to stop the tears from flowing. I guess it is just one of those days. Maybe I will go back to bed and start over.

Simon still has the last remnants of his cold. He is sleeping more than usual, but seems to be on the mend. He still has a bit of a runny nose, and he is coughing a bit at night. He doesn't yet have enough energy to go out and do anything.

Ezri has been symptom free for over 24 hours, but isn't allowed outside of the apartment yet. Beau has been symptom free for the last 4 days, but he is at home. I am fine physically, but emotionally spent.

Tomorrow will be another long day at the clinic. Maybe the kids will feel up to a movie or something afterwards. I will find out how long everybody needs to be symptom free before we can enter civilization again. If it is more than another day or two, we may spend the time at home, for the sake of my sanity.

Day plus 214. 214 days ago, Simon received a life saving bone marrow transplant. I praise God for the advances in medicine that have given us a hope for a cure. I also pray that at the end of this journey, Simon will be able to go on and live a long and happy life.

Simon's temperature has been creeping up today. He is currently at 99.9, which isn't yet a fever, but it is higher than he usually runs, so I'll need to be keeping an eye on it. The swelling in his feet is also getting a bit worse. Please continue to pray for Richard and Diane as they deal with the loss of their son. Also, for the parents of all the kids here at Brent's Place. While we all deal with the sadness over the loss of Derek, we all also deal with the knowledge and fear that it could have been our own child.