Taking Back the Violin

When Simon was 4 years old, he saw "Fiddler on the Roof" and he fell in love with the violin. He has wanted to learn to play ever since. This fall, we finally had the opportunity to make his dream become a reality. The school was offering an after school orchestra program!

I signed Simon up and rented his instrument. At first, he was very excited. He loved the IDEA of orchestra, and especially the violin. The trouble was, he wanted to be like Tevya. He wanted to pick up his instrument and be able to play well enough to dance on the roof and play while the sun set!

When he couldn't play like that, he became discouraged and frustrated. It was twice as hard for him to do what the other kids in the group seemed to do with ease. He wanted to give up, but I knew how badly he wanted it in his heart. I couldn't let him give up with out a fight!

After a couple of weeks of watching him become more and more frustrated, I went to the music store and rented a violin for myself. I joined the orchestra so I would be able to learn right along side Simon. Now Simon and I had something that we could do together. (Oliver is also in the orchestra, playing the viola.) I love doing this with my boys. Unfortunately, I enjoy it far more than either one of them. I love to practice, but getting them to practice is like pulling teeth!

For Oliver, the music come easily. If he would spend a small amount of time at it, he would be quite talented. For Simon, it is hard. He hates to practice and he gets upset when he can't keep up, but he still loves orchestra and the idea of being able to play. I am not yet willing to let him give up on his dream so easily.

Since Simon was diagnosed with severe aplastic anemia, he has only been able to attend orchestra once. Even though he attended, he was too exhausted to play. Just holding up his violin wiped him out. His violin has been sitting in its case ever since. While I am not giving up on his dream, or allowing him to give up, I have decided that this particular dream will have to be put on the shelf for now.

Tomorrow morning, Simon has to go in for a transfusion. After that, we will return his violin to the music store. I am telling myself that it is only until he gets his strength back, but it breaks this mother's heart none the less. I wonder how many other dreams will have to be abandoned or postponed as illness consumes his life?

I have told Simon that we will go back to the music store when he gets his strength back. For now, if he feels the urge to play, he is welcome to play mine. I continue to attend orchestra with Oliver. I still love it, but it isn't the same without Simon as my music stand partner.

Now I have a dream. I dream of playing the violin, side by side with Simon, out on the porch during the summer, as we watch the sun set behind Pikes Peak. I don't know when we will get there, but I will not give up on dreams, and I will NEVER GIVE UP on Simon!