Yesterday, when I was writing my updates, I was called away. Simon was out of surgery and they wanted me in the recovery room when he woke up. By the time we made our way through the maze of hallways that is Memorial Central Hospital, he was already awake, although sleepy. His spirits were high and his stomach was hungry!
The remainder of the day was uneventful. There was a little concern over a bit of swelling near the site of the implant, but the surgery went very well. He was out in less than an hour. The swelling continued to go down and everything else looks good. Simon was a bit sore, but mostly when he moved around much. The hardest part for him was the waiting to be allowed to eat! The surgeon wanted to make sure the swelling was indeed going down before Simon got the okay for food, just in case they needed to go back into surgery.
Yesterday was a day of waiting. Waiting for surgery to start. Waiting for surgery to be over. Waiting for food. Waiting for the doctor. Waiting to see what the family doctor said about Beau. Waiting to decide how that call would affect Simon's hospital stay. Waiting for blood counts. Waiting for medicines. Waiting for the final checks of the evening to be over, so both Simon and I could get some much needed sleep.
While my slumber wasn't quite long enough, what I did get was deep and restoring. I feel much better prepared for today. Simon is still sleeping! The nurse came in around 5:30 and took his blood draw. She was able to go in through the IV site and he slept through the whole thing!
Yesterday, I had started to write about strength from Bible verses. I will get back to that, but right now, I need to talk about a verse that has been playing over in my mind that I have really been struggling with. 1 Thessalonials 5:18 says, "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
People see in me strength. They admire my faith. They don't realize how my heart has been railing against God this past week. (Hard to believe that today it is exactly one week from the day we were told that our precious Simon was very ill.)
"Your child may have leukemia or lymphoma." Give thanks.
"Your child doesn't have leukemia, but what he does have is just as serious." Give thanks.
"Simon is out of school at least until after spring break." Give thanks.
"Simon is running out of blood, and his body isn't making any more." Give thanks.
A child of Simon's age and size should have 50-70% bone marrow. Simon has 5%. Give thanks.
"Things are going to get a whole lot worse before, hopefully, they get better." Give thanks.
"In an attempt to cure your son, we are going to totally wipe out his immune system, which may kill him." Give thanks.
"In spite of you great health insurance, the co-pays on the medications alone may wipe you out financially." Give thanks.
"Treatments will involve days spending 5 or more days a week, 8 hours a day, at the clinic, and/or lengthy hospital stays" Give thanks.
In church, we sing a song about blood and the healing power of blood. My son is out of blood. He has already had a transfusion of platelets and of red blood cells. Give thanks.
"Severe Aplastic Anemia." Give thanks.
How God? How is this possible? How can I be thankful for any of this? And yet, the voice keeps repeating "give thanks in ALL circumstances." I can't do it. I haven't either the strength or the will. I want to turn the voice off, but the mute button for thoughts in my head doesn't work. How can I find the silver lining in these darkest of clouds we are under?
"Your child may have leukemia or lymphoma." Give thanks. I am giving thanks to my God, who "forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases." Psalm 103:3
"Your child doesn't have leukemia, but what he does have is just as serious." Give thanks. I am giving thanks to my God whose name is a strong tower. The righteous run into it and they are safe. Proverbs 18:10
"Simon is out of school at least until after spring break." Give thanks. "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 11:19. Simon and I are going to have some one on one time, and I LOVE teaching my kids. I wouldn't trade their school for the world, but I am excited to have the opportunity to study along Simon and watch him grow in wisdom and knowledge over the next couple of months.
What I wrote after this point was lost when the computer froze up, but I hope to be able to finish this tomorrow. For now, I am thankful that I will be able to sleep in my own bed while Simon sleeps in his. Give thanks.
A diary through the thoughts of a mother whose son was diagnosed with a critical illness.
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